Duct Tape Junkie

Traveling the paths that wind their way through my corner of the world, I have come across lots of things being used for things other than what they were intended. For instance, my dad had the first remote control for the TV. . . He simply would shout what channel he wanted, point at me, and, low and behold, I would run and instantly put the TV on that channel. I don’t know about you, but I believe that is a gross injustice of what I was put on this world for. And, I told my dad that.
“I wasn’t put on this earth to be a human TV channel changer,” I explained. “I was put here to bring happiness into the lives of people.”
He looked me square in the eye and said, “Sweetie, you being my TV channel changer makes me very happy.”
I just gave him that ‘you’ve gotta be kiddin’ look. You, know that look that only a teenage can render.
But, in my opinion, I do believe the most over used and misused item today is “duct-tape.” After much research…well uh, a little research, I have come to the conclusion that “duct-tape” was created to attach duct work used in heating and air-conditioning. This marvelous gray tape was created by a professional for highly trained professionals.
But, people like you and me have taken this high-tech industrial tool and brought it down to our level. Due to our lack of professionalism, we have reduced this modern marvel to a cure all to be used at every whim. Many a wanna-be-handyman live be the motto, “if you can’t fix it…duct it.” No matter what the problem, we scream for the gray stuff.
My son, Tim, used the gray tape to get more life out of a pair of shoes that had long passed the worn out meter. Tim’s shoes had come apart from the toe back to the heel. Tim took a coat hanger and wrapped it around his shoe and then held the whole thing in place with rounds and rounds of “duct tape.” One of the problems was he now had a brown boot and a nearly all gray boot. The other problem was the coat hanger. One end of the wire worked its way out from the tape covering poking its pointed little head out right at the toe of the shoe. Every time Tim took a step, his jeans would catch on the wire. I suppose this was aggravating, but not enough to persuade Tim to shell out the money to purchase a new pair of shoes. He’s a little bit of a tight-wad.
On a recent trip to Texas, I carried a piece of over-sized exercise equipment to my cousin. I used the gray tape to hold the thing in the back of the truck. I wrapped the exercise station in plastic to keep it form getting wet. Then, to hold the plastic in place, I used two rolls of the gray tape. Round and round, up and over, the thing looked like a mighty gray sculpture rising high above the cab of the pickup. The cold, the rain, the wind and 600 miles left the plastic covering in shreds, but, by golly, every strip of the marvelous gray tape was in tact.
I know of a high school student who admitted she made her entire homecoming dance wardrobe from “duct-tape.” Yes, you read that right. A t-shirt was the base. Over the t-shirt she began to wrap yards and yards of gray, sticky tape. Once, the basic “duct-tape” dress was completed, she add several yards of tape to the back to create the effect of a long flowing train. Next, she took a cap wrapped completely in the gray sticky stuff along with matching shoes. Oh, please don’t let me forget the matching handbag. Oh yeah, her coordinating escort stuck close to her side.
Now, as you might imagine, several problems arose from this sticky get-up. She sort of looked like the mummy waltzing around on the dance floor. And, a train made of “duct tape” doesn’t flow; and it soon becomes a free ride to everything in its path. Taking the gray garb off was a whole ‘nuther’ story. The tape worked its way on to skin in many places. Amid screams and tears, the tape was ripped off, skin, hair, and all.
“Vengeance is mine...” sayeth the gray tape.
The human race has become dependent on the gray tape. We keep in the house for household repairs. A roll is in the shop for the same reason. Each tool box has a roll of the gray stuff just in case a spare part is needed in a pinch. As a matter of fact, in this fast paced world we live in “duct tape” may be the only thing that holds it together for some of us.
Looking around my corner of the world, I see a torn shower curtain that could use a strip of the tape. The window in the back store room is cracked. I just know the gray tape would keep out the cold. I burned a whole in my leaf-raker-upper. This has to be a job for “duct tape.” Let’s face it, I, too, am a “duct tape” junkie. I just can’t help it.